This is a preview of a tune I produced with some friends of mine. It will be on my new album. I’m in the process of saving up money to complete the mixing and mastering of the disc.

Lovely (unmixed) by Mike Vitale

“When everybody starts hovering over me, I get cross, then sad, and finally end up turning my heart inside out—the bad part on the outside, and the good part on the inside, and keep trying to find a way to become what I’d like to be, and what I could be, if only there were no other people in the world.”

http://www.tedconover.com/2010/01/sing-sing-tattoo/



I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. This is human. This is storytelling.

I myself could be antiquated to a 32 year old vagina turd (sorry mom, it sounded funny in my head—yeah, that’s right, I knew you would laugh at that). At any rate, I called my mom on April 20th and asked her to give me the skinny on the day of my birth as my recollection is pretty shit on that day. So, this is my interpretation of a story that my mom told me and it’s called:

CONCEPTION.

My mother and father were watching my uncle Paul play a high school baseball game. The year is 1979 and the teams playing on this dilapidated clay and grassy diamond were Redwood High School (this is where I spent my angst ridden pubescent years as well) vs. Lemoore High School.

After my parents had their fair fill of balls slapping wood, they made a quick pit stop at some hole-in-the-wall eatery in Hanford for dinner. According to my mother, this is where the term “don’t drink the water” came from, as, apparently, Hanford’s water supply emanates the faint yet pungent smell of rotten eggs (I’m trying to decide whether that is the scent of sulfur or not—nonetheless, Dave Matthews, apparently, has Hanford to thank for such a great song and not apartheid in South Africa). Okay, wait. Where was I in this story? … Oh, yeah, in my mom’s womb.

They got home shortly after dinner, and my mom wasn’t feeling too swell (must have been from the water she drank earlier). She was taking a shower at around 10:30 or 11:00 PM, when suddenly her water broke! [kaploosh]

By midnight, my mom was being rushed past the labor room and being brought directly to delivery. My imagination pictures a young doctor around that same hour being called away from some formal engagement in order to deliver Mrs. Vitale’s child in a swank tuxedo (hey, this is my story).

Sometime between the hour of midnight and 1:00 AM, that same doctor mentioned, is washing his hands after dressing into his blue scrubs.

At precisely 1:03 AM, I literally fell into this doctor’s arms, and no sooner did he exclaim, “It’s a boy!” then did I empty my tank of urine all over him (9 months is my record for holding it). The only words he could muster were, “Well, at least we know that works.”

Having done a few college and university tours all by my lonesome, I can attest that having company makes all the difference.

In fact, just a few days into my first tour up the West Coast, I found myself deeply starved for human interaction: I remember having a quite an interesting and long winded conversation with some random dude on the street in Seattle who was trying desperately to sell me crack or a hand job only moments before… and if hindsight truly is 20/20, I think I should have been doing this a long time ago, and I don’t mean smokingcrack, accepting hand jobs from strangers, or having longwinded conversations—I mean touring with dudes like Cory.

We had a lot of fun on our brief stint up the West Coast—

April 18th 2010 – Visalia House Concert
April 19th 2010 – 210 Café in Visalia, CA
April 23rd 2010 – Red Rocks Café in Mountain View, CA
April 25th 2010 – The Kilns in Bend, OR

but in all honesty, Cory beat me to the punch in terms of blogging about it in a very engaging fashion. So, if you find yourself yearning for a more comprehensive and chronological account of our exploits, I invite you to check out Cory’s blog (not to mention his music):

http://coryjoseph.com/?p=218

More blogs coming soon (I have a lot to write about), so stay tuned.

- Mike

I want to be upfront with you about the way I’ve felt lately, and I know that you feel the same way I do considering how close we are (both figuratively and physically).  I need you to know that the decisions you make have a profound effect on my happiness and general comfort level—and I must say, your decisions lately have inevitably led to a great deal of discomfort and unhappiness on my part, hence this letter.

You see, it all started with your latest purchase: a pair of briefs—underwear, at the local designer clothing store.  For years now, you have done right by me, taking great care in purchasing what I like: boxer briefs.  Generally, and in my humble opinion, I think you look far more attractive in them; they are loose and casual, comfortable and dynamic in their flow and adhesiveness—I feel quite at home in them.

Now, I am all about self-exploration (I mean, come on, we’ve had our fair share of creative shenanigans together—you remember that time with the rubber bands?), and I certainly want you to try new things, or in this particular case, retry new old things that you used to do 20 to 25 years ago when you didn’t have a choice (Christmas was always socks and Fruit of the Loom briefs from mom and dad—hi mom and dad), but I digress.

Look, I was fine when you came home with the first pair of brand new designer briefs from the store a week or two ago, but then, as if to add insult to injury, YOU BOUGHT TWO MORE PAIR!  What on Earth were you thinking?  I’m getting the cold sweats just thinking about this—it’s like I’m stuck with this decision in much the same manner as I am your leg, and I don’t like it!  It’s like my creative and general comfort level suffocates as the borders of your briefs draw closer and closer to me with every wash and dry cycle—those 100% cotton abominations!  YOU should be ashamed!  That wedgie you are feeling right now up your fault line is no fault of mine and you know it—think of the cocoa brown stains that could happen if you weren’t thorough.

What would a lady friend think of that?  Answer me!

[deep breath] I’m sorry…

I need to know: is it something I did or said?  Look, I love you and I want you to be happy.  Talk to me.  We can work this out.  I just want everything between us (specifically, our underwear) to be more like how it used to be—when the things between us were fresh, more boxer-brief-like, and consensual.

Sincerely,

Your Testicles

So, I’m in the process of a booking a spring tour with Cory Joseph in late April/early May along the West Coast!  We are going to be playing college/university campuses, house shows, venues, etc..

We are always looking for help in terms of places to visit and play, so if you are interested in helping us out by setting up any of the above mentioned, nothing is out of the question.  Leave a comment below and we’ll get back to you right quick.

However, more importantly, we need a name to christen our tour.  Here are some suggestions that Cory and I both came up with this morning:

a.)  Two Guys, one cup [this seemed a bit gross to me].

b.)  The Italian Stallion Tour

c.)  Two guys, one Mike.

What do you think?  Leave a comment below with some suggestions and we’ll pick the best one and carry it with us as our shining moniker as we travel the West Coast like a bunch of gypsies.  Bring it on.  Ready… go!

I recently had the luxury of sitting down with myself

Mike:  So, what was the inspiration behind this interview with your self?

Mike:  Well Mike, I think a one-half serving of Playboy’s Playmate of the Month interviews, and God knows what else—I hadn’t really thought that far ahead.  It’s like the story behind the breasts, except—I don’t have breasts.

Mike:  Well, we should probably be moving forward to the first question.

What are your biggest turn-ons?

Mike:  Wait, isn’t this the second question?  Never mind.  I guess you’re the expert.  Hmm, turn-ons… definitely when someone asks good questions—and a sense of humor: I like that.  You seem to lack one of these traits.

Mike:  What are your biggest turn-offs?

Mike:  Talking to myself: this conversation is over.  Just kidding.

Mike:  What’s the worst place for a guy to hit on you?

Mike:  Pretty much anywhere.  I had a guy hit on me at a bar a few months ago—I was shocked by his horrible singing voice, and he was taken aback by my preference for vagina.

Mike:  What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

Mike:  It’s less of a pickup line, and more of an effort to get my attention.  The same guy I mentioned previously was snapping pictures of me from the table next to ours trying desperately to make eye contact with me—I think he had his fair share of wine that night and was craving some Italian.

Mike:  What’s the best or most creative pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

Mike:  What is it with you and pickup lines?   I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone use a pickup line on me before—I’ve had someone buy me a drink.  Does that count?  My roommate asked me once if my parents were retarded—I said, no.  He then qualified this with “you’re pretty special.”

Mike:  What approach is most likely to work with you?

Mike:  Are we talking about boys or girls?  Honestly, where the hell are you getting these questions from?

Mike:  What signals do you give to a man when you want him to make the first move?

Mike:  You seriously took these questions straight out of a Playboy Playmate of the Month interview, didn’t you?  Did you consider reversing the gender to make this appropriate and applicable in terms of a standard interview?  What can someone possibly walk away with here?  They’ve learned nothing about me!  Can you ask me something meaningful?  I don’t know—perhaps something about my new website that just launched, or maybe my new E.P. that just went on sale today?  How about something about iTunes, and how they take 33% of an artist’s profits right off the top, and how it’s better to buy the music directly off an independent artist’s website.  Maybe something about buying my new CD online at http://www.mikevitalemusic.com.

[At this point, I seem noticeably flustered.]

Mike:  I’ll ask the questions, thank you very much.  Have you ever been in a situation when two men competed for your attention at the same time? Who won, and why?

Mike:  This is ridiculous—I’m done [removing microphone from collar and throwing it on my chair as I walk away].

Well, not to make myself a cup of coffee… although, I am right now… coffee is more of a “means to an end” and not, “the end to my means” (I was up until 3:00 AM last night).

I am on my way out to the “Gym of the Pacific” as my friend Marcus calls it (i.e. The Pacific Ocean).

I’m going surfing (or something that resembles it at least… not sure that I would call it surfing yet… maybe when I can stand up consistently).

Going to make the drive out to San Onofre State Park.

Marcus said he saw Dolphins while he was out the other day. You see a lot while sitting on your board waiting for a good wave. I always see pelicans picking fish out of a moving wave OR Flocks of Seagulls!

More along the lines of this:

and less of this:

and even less of this:

And I ran, I ran so far away.

I just ran, I ran all night and day.

I couldnt get away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUjIA3Rt7gk

Hope this finds you enjoying your morning!

~ Mike

- My friend Cory Joseph is out touring in the middle of Oregon at the moment, having a ball I imagine. (www.coryjoseph.com)
- I’m right in the middle of preparing for an extensive tour in October and November of this year.
- I pulled out a bunch of photographs from a few months back that chronicled my last tour through California, Oregon, and Washington in February and March of 2008.

I originally had every intention of sharing these photographs with everyone. However, I find myself so caught up in the daily grind at times, that I either forgot to share them through a blog OR by the time I realized that I should have been posting my photos, I figured that everyone wouldn’t have any interest anymore. However, I decided that maybe I should let you decide. I’ll post a few pictures, tell a few stories, and let you gauge your own interest in my previous exploits.

To start off, there is a lot of the United States (and the world for that matter) that I have yet to see. I can tell you, that I am dead set on seeing as much of the world as possible. I think this mainly stems from the fact that I am not very impressed by the small window of the world we call television. I feel that a lot of the images we see on it everyday are biased and ultimately tailored in some way to fit a purpose. This purpose varies, but for the most part, it seems to culminate into a method in which to sell a consumer something, whether it a product or someone else’s perspective… but let’s save my thoughts on television for another blog. The long and short of this argument is that the world around us as we know it and the world we see on television never seem to converge at some juxtaposition that we can firmly call reality. This is the reason I enjoy to travel! There is no bias behind hoping in a car and seeing something with your own eyes.

With this being said, touring is perfect for me. I get to satiate my desire to see the world while also sharing my art with the people I come across.

For this last tour in February and March of 2008, I traveled through California, Oregon, and Washington, playing various colleges, universities, churches, and venues. I can tell you in all certainty aside from the wonderful people I met, that all three of these states are beautiful and I had a hard time conserving film. I snapped quite a few repetitive shots from my car as I drove up Interstate 5 all the way through Northern Washington:

Most of the above shots are Northern California, right before you cross over the Oregon border. You hit a large mountain pass right after you drive through Redding on I-5. There was a HUGE downpour as I was driving through this pass on the way up to Oregon, so I missed out of taking a lot of photos, because the conditions were sort of, well, dangerous. It had snowed the day before, so the road was quite icy and slick. I decided to snap some shots of the region on the way back down because it was much more agreeable weather then.

As I crossed into Oregon, I definitely rolled the car windows down. I love the smell of pine trees.

There was one point on the way to Astoria, Oregon that I pulled over to the side of a snow cleared highway to snap a few shots of a gorgeous area where the snow was melting into a shallow stream. I climbed down to this area and took a break from driving and snapped off a couple of shots before I hopped back into my car to play my gig at Clatsop College.

For those of you unfamiliar with Astoria, the 1985 movie “The Goonies” was shot there, as well as some of the other outlying towns (including Seaside) in the immediate Northwest area of Oregon; I was clued in to this factoid by the Astoria locals in various conversation during my stay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWgc8Ute2tU

Astoria was a really cool place to visit. It’s a REALLY small town that sits right below the mouth of the Colombia River. It’s a beautifully hilly area.

If you look closely at that last picture, there is this HUGE freighter off in the distance in the Colombia River. Those ships would scare the shit out of me in the early morning (were talking like 3:00 AM/4:00 AM). They have a huge epic horn that they blare as they are traversing through the heavy fog laden current of the Colombia River; it did an excellent job of startling me out of a deep sleep on a few different occasions. It literally felt like the freighter horn was right next to your bed when they pulled it. In one particular early morning moment of sleep before jumping out of bed startled, I think I was dreamily concocting some sort of story that a hell-bent train was heading directly through the room in which I was staying in before I came to my woken senses.

Here’s another picture of one such culprit:

as well as some pictures of the less populated side of Astoria:

Anyway, for the most part, these are just a handful of the pictures and stories that I have from my trip. If you want more, let me know! Leave some blog comments. Show me that you’re interested and I’ll write and post some more blogs concerning my last tour.
In the meanwhile, I need to get back into the present and continue preparing for my next tour coming up in October and November. There’s no time like the present, right?

As a side not, if you’re interested in seeing me play in your area, show me! Demand me below! Trust me, I watch this thing like a hawk:

Mike Vitale events at Eventful

I’m going to be writing a blog concerning a contest that I will be running in the near future regarding bringing me to your town for a performance (no matter where you live in the United States). You can get a jump on this by demanding me above today! Show me that you want to see me and get your friends signed up too!

Thank you all for reading this and for your continued support. You bring my dreams into fruition everyday just by listening.

~ Mike