Recently, I had the pleasure of settling in with the ever controversial and provocative figure behind such classics as, "I'll Sit Where I Want, Just Not in Your Lap" "Oh Were You Sleeping? I'm Hungry," and her best selling memoir, "The Only Thing That Would Really Make That Warm Laundry Better, is Me on Top of It." While she spent nearly a week evading every effort for me to get comprehensive coverage on her and the intimate details of her life, let alone sweet sweet snuggles, I found that one cup of food every morning, and one cup of food every evening, helped immensely with her opening up to me, a bit. Cleaning her cat box didn't hurt either.
Mike: So, from what I understand, you're an avid fan of my work as a musician, correct?
Peony: [silence and a slight stare to her left]
Mike: [clearing my throat] ...well, I guess I'll be moving on with the first question.
Mike: Would you say that you prefer me to your loving friend's Kurt and Jill.
Peony: I'm not at liberty to say. Who's Kurt and Jill?
Mike: Holy crap, you're speaking english!
Peony: I asked you a question.
Mike: This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real.
Mike: You know, Kurt and Jill: Guy with the beard and the charming voice and songs; girl with one of the finer senses-of-humor since the invention of everyone else. Really sweet people.
Peony: [she exits the room]
Mike: I wasn't quite finished with...
Peony: [slight turn from the doorway] Meow.
[the next several minutes consisted of what can only be described as sounds that strongly resemble romping around the house at maximum velocity. It is pertinent to note that for the past two weeks, this has been standard practice. This is followed by long intervals of silence. I assume she was sleeping.]
Peony: [from the doorway] Meow.
Mike: You're back.
Mike: While I have you here, we should probably move on to more pertinent questions regarding your stance on...
Peony: [leaves the room again]
[At this point in the interview, I'm beginning to realize that this might be more difficult than I had originally anticipated—wait, she's staring at me from the doorway]
Love you Peony. Thanks for letting me watch this character, Kurt and Jill. She's a lot of fun.