Just imagine this in giant yellow letters, scrolling over a backdrop of stars… in a galaxy far far away…

I would never lie to you. Well, maybe sometimes—but not this time. This is absolutely true.

I ran away from home in second grade because I wanted to be a werewolf after watching the movie Teen Wolf with Michael J. Fox three thousand times.

I wanted to be a runaway werewolf, sort of.

I went to book bus at my elementary school, to do research. I’m a researcher—when I wanna be a werewolf.

I found this Scholastic Magazine that said if I drank the water from a wolves footprint… it would turn me into a werewolf.

I tried a dog’s muddy footprint first and waited for the full moon.

It didn’t work.

So, I had no recourse but to find a pack of wolves—and I didn’t want to go alone, so I took my best friend, Brandon Kite along with me.

I packed a backpack full of a blanket, some bananas, lunch meat, a loaf of bread, and some mustard.

This is the tale of our journey. All events are true—to the best of my recollection (whatever that means).

YouTube:

Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog:

A Recipe for Cookies: